Drowning
by roza m belicova
Summary: When Dimitri's away on guardian business, Rose has a bad dream that seems so real that even when she wakes up, she can't stop the panic that fills her. Reality and dream blur into a tangled mess, and she can't discern which is which. Will anyone be able to help her or is she going to have to get through this one on her own? Just a lot of angst and possible fluffy hurt/comfert
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys…ok so if you read my holiday one shots, you would know that I said I was very possibly going to write some angst. So…um…here you go. If this sucks I apologize in advance you guys. But I love you all for sticking with me even though my writing has absolutely no consistency anymore.

I don't own VA, but life is hell...live and burn with me.

Drowning.

I was drowning. Not literally, but I might as well have been. I didn't know any other way to put it. He was gone. Just up and disappeared with the others who had been taken. Nobody knew whether he had been turned or killed. I wanted to cling to the hope that since we hadn't found a body it meant he wasn't dead.

Surely, if he was, I would feel it, right? I would know. But I didn't know. I wanted so desperately to think positively, I mean he was the best of the best, if anyone could survive a strigoi attack it was my Dimitri. But all these questions were pressing in on my chest. They were crushing my lungs, making it so very hard to breathe, much less think.

Was he a strigoi now? If he was then how could I find him? I had to find him. I had a promise to fulfil. I owed him that much. There was absolutely no way I could let a man with such honor, a man who was so duty-bound that he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness for the safety of his charge walk this Earth as a soulless undead monster. I had to find him, even if shoving a silver stake into the chest of the one man in this world who meant everything to me, the one person aside from Lissa who was my other half destroyed me. I had to do it, he deserved that mercy.

I gasped for air, the idea of a world without him making my chest tighten. I could tolerate us never being together, at least I would still get to walk this planet with a man like him, but we were together. I had given him everything and now, now he was gone. He was probably a strigoi, and, I had no idea what I was supposed to do about that, there was nothing I could do to make it better except to kill him.

My eyes flew open and I bolted up in bed, shaking hard and gasping for air. My hair clung to my cheeks wet with the tears I hadn't even realized were falling. In my head I could see the bridge, almost feel the cool night air and hear his voice as he taunted me, certain that I wasn't going to kill him. I could almost hear him say that he wanted me, wanted me not loved me, could almost feel the cool stake in my hand, see the flash of silver as I told him that was the wrong answer and plunged the stake into his chest.

"Not real," I told myself out loud as I scrambled to turn on the bedside lamp. "Dream…just a dream." My hands shook and in the darkness I very nearly knocked the lamp over, but after a couple tries I turned it on and soft, yellow light filled the room.

Unfortunately, it did nothing to calm my pounding heart or to quell the anxiety that flooded my shaking body. I pulled my knees up to my chest wrapping my arms around them as I rocked, back and forth, back and forth. Just a dream, I told myself over and over in my head, and rocked and breathed, in and out, back and forth as tears streamed down my face, and my body shook from the force of my sobs.

Yes, I am a cruel bitch who really did just end it like that. Sorry…I might write more though, maybe depending on my mood and your response of course. I make no promises. But leave me some love won't you? Please? Give me your thoughts? I love hearing from y'all.

XXX

Roza


	2. Chapter 2

I can't do it ok? I can't ruin Romitri. They're far too perfect, real life is enough shit anyway. So, um…here's the last chapter, yes Guardian-Maleficent last chapter XD sorry this isn't going to be a full story I just needed to get some angst out of my head! But that idea of yours was pretty awesome though! Also thanks for the reviews guys I love you.

I don't own VA life is still hell but we can all just burn together

Chapter 2.

I don't know how long I sat there, anxiety giving way to panic that surged in my chest. Panic over the fact that my dream had not at all been a dream but a real life thing. It didn't help that I was in bed alone, it made it almost impossible to tell what was real and what was not.

Breathing around the tightness in my chest was damn near impossible, my breaths shallow and erratic. My head was pounding too, and somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I needed to calm down or I was going to pass out. But I couldn't calm down. I was empty safe for the doubts that were filling my head. I had killed him on that bridge that night in Russia, right? These past few years, the ones where he was by my side, the ones where we were happy, had they even been real?

Just then my phone buzzed, more panic filling me because now surely something was wrong. I was sure Lissa was in trouble. I don't know how I managed to uncurl myself to grab it from the bedside table, but damn it I was glad that I had. Because it wasn't Lissa's name that lit up the screen, it was Dimitri's.

He sent a text simply saying that he loved me, but right then, in that moment, I had found the anchor that I needed to keep me from toppling off into that abyss of darkness. The past few years had in fact been real, not some moments of fleeting happiness I had made up in my head. Those nights of endless passion, the wring I wore on my finger, it was all real I realized, my dream was a dream and nothing more. Dimitri wasn't dead. He had been turned, yes, but I had saved him. Lissa had helped me save him.

We were married now. He was just away on guardian business. I really needed to hear his voice though, so I didn't text back, instead I called him.

"Roza, baby," He said answering on the first ring. "What's wrong?" I didn't answer right away, I just closed my eyes, and I focused on my breathing. In and out, out and in, slow, deep breaths. Over and over until I could again breathe normally, until my heart slowed. And the whole time Dimitri was saying my name, asking if I was ok.

"Fine," I said finally, trying to sound like I hadn't just been sobbing. "I'm fine." I should have known however, that he would see through my bullshit. He always did.

Dimitri and I had that kind of connection that was beautiful but also weird, because he somehow could always tell when something was wrong whether he was here or not. I knew it wasn't co-incidence that made him send me that message, knew it was because in some way that I had no explanation for, he felt it. But still, I didn't want him to worry about me.

"Let's try this again," He said, voice soft and calm. "And this time please don't lie to me. What's wrong?" I sighed softly and laid back on the bed.

"Nothing that you need to worry about." I said.

"Rose," He said and ok I was in trouble. "Never say that to me again. Please tell me what's wrong love." I sighed again at the worry I heard in his voice.

"Just a bad dream," I said finally. "I just had a bad dream. I'm ok now."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked and I shook my head forgetting that he couldn't see me. "I'm here to listen if you want you know."

"No," I said softly. "I don't want to talk about it. It's not important anymore."

"Anything that's enough to upset you is important to me baby you know that." He said exasperatedly.

"I know but please I really don't want to talk about it. I just…" I sighed a bit and snuggled with a pillow. "I just miss you."

"I miss you too my love," He said. "Every single second that I'm away from you. But don't worry baby I'll be home soon." I nodded and closed my eyes a small smile on my lips.

"Love me?" I asked softly.

"You know I do." He said.

"Tell me how much?" I asked snuggling more with the pillow.

"More than life itself." He said seriously.

"More than your John Wane novels?" I asked giggling a bit.

"Definitely more than them," He said and I could hear the smile in his voice. "You are my heart baby. You give my life meaning with that fiery passion and quick wit." I let myself relax, let the sound of his voice wash away all the panic and fear from earlier.

"Tell me about your day," I said groggily. He did, and as he talked to me, I felt my eyes droop, sleep already threatening to pull me under. I wanted to fight it just so that I could stay up and talk to him, but I was tired, my body was after all the crying I had done. Not only that, but Dimitri's voice was more soothing than any lullaby. Something I knew he knew, especially when he was talking in that calm tone of his. I closed my eyes, his voice in my ear making me feel safe and secure once again. And as I surrendered to sleep, it was to dreams of the future we could have. The future we were going to have.

Better ending, right? So can I have some love for this please and thank you? Drop me some reviews guys and remember that I still need holiday themed story requests. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, cause I don't know, you live under a rock somewhere or you're new, I've got a holiday one shot collection and I really, really need to write, so any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

XXX

Roza


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